Lohan Bombed on SNL and Here’s Why
Let me start by saying that as much as I am not one bit surprised that Lohan’s appearance on Saturday Night Live was mediocre at best, there was a big part me that hoped things would go otherwise. Not because I am as deluded as Lindsay seemed to be over the last week in regards to the impact of a single appearance on SNL can have on her overall career but because in all honesty, I just figured she could do it.
Her opening monologue, though not really funny, did a good job of poking fun at Lindsay and all the issues that come along with her. Still, we had press releases and interviews all week with promises about how Lindsay claimed “nothing was off limits” and she really wanted to show people she was “in on the joke” , and if that was no rules writing for the people running things over at SNL, then it was pretty disappointing.
The later skits mostly featured her as a prop versus a real host. She, she showed up and delivered her lines, but there was barely any real “acting”, not how I understand the definition anyways. The whole thing reminded me of when they have sports players come host the shows. They aren’t actors and their lines sound forced and are delivered poorly for the most part but in the end that’s what makes it funny.
Linday Lohan is an actress though, or so she keeps trying to convince us and to have someone who is always going on and on about what a great actress she is and spent a week on an interview blitz talking about how committed she is to having this chance back at SNL only to be able to barley get through reading the cue cards for the minimal amount of lines she has is a fucking joke.
The deal, for me anyways, was sealed early in the show when during Keenan Thompson’s recurring scared straight sketch , she botched the one 4 or 5 sentences she has to say, – the longest stretch of lines she had the entire show.
After that, her role was left to being a fixture on the side or background of the skits – not even the fraction of the amount of work someone like Alec Baldwin, for example, does when hosting the show.
And then there was Jon Hamm. What the FUCK was John Hamm doing there? Did they really anticipate that things would tank so bad that they wanted to have an extra rip cord to pull just in case? What does that say about what the people are SNL really thought of her being there? In the opening monologue his role was funny – they claimed her was there as a back up in case she did something crazynd needed to be replaced – and everyone, including me, had a laugh.
But in the end, the focus sort of got diverted from her to him, which case that joke is only funny because it’s actually fucking true. she was fucking up and he saved things.
Lindsay can talk all she wants about how Lorne Micheals has been like an uncle to her and countless press releases can be sent out about how happy they were to have her back and how professional she was but the bottom line was they had her there because they knew idiots like me would stay home and watch and that’s exactly what I did. I may be stupid,
Comeback, it was not. She had one job to do and it wasn’t a big one and as usual she gave it the Lindsay Lohan 75%. What a fucking joke.
12th Times a Charm
Has anyone else noticed that Lindsay Lohan’s mother has been strangely absent from morning talk shows/media outlets/local shopping centers or whoever else will listen to her lately? Has anyone else else also noticed that since Mommy Dearest’s absence Lindsay seems to be moderately getting her shit together?
Of course by getting her shit together I mean following strict outlines given by the court, outlines which, if ignored will send her to jail, but in when it comes to Lohan, this is the equivalent of graduating from an Ivy League school with honors.
From http://www.tmz.com/
Lindsay Lohan just got yet another rave review from Judge Stephanie Sautner during her probation progress report hearing this AM — as Sautner proudly announced, “You’re in the home stretch!”
Sautner was impressed — that for the 3rd time in a row, Lindsay completed her required community service and therapy sessions.
Sautner gushed, “You seem to be getting your life back on track.”
Lindsay has ONE MORE progress hearing set for March 29th — by which date she must complete her final 14 days of community service at the L.A. County morgue, and 5 more therapy sessions.
If she stays on track, Lindsay will be placed on informal probation, meaning all she has to do is obey all laws.
If you ask me, when it comes to any positive influence Lindsay has had around her in the last few years in terms of strong, adult women, any and all credit should not be handed over to Mommy Dearest but in actuality to Lohans lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley.
Shawn is an educated, career oriented women with a successful law practice and with my limited knowledge of the situation I would gather that it’s her and her guidance and influence over the last few years that have gotten Lohan on the right path, at least when it comes to her legal matters.
In any event, who knows how things will turn out. She could steal a car tomorrow and drive over the judge who over over seeing the case and the crazy part is, at this point, I don’t think anyone would be the least bit surprised.
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As If I Needed One More Reason to Hate My Life
Because some people in the world are just destined to fail upwards and never really get what’s coming to the, the universe chose to stick it in and break it off once again a couple days back. Paris Hilton doesn’t already do a a fantastic job of doing ab-so-fucking-lutly nothing and raking in the cash so it seems good fortune felt the need to shine itself on this cunt a little more.
During her birthday weekend in Sin City, Paris Hilton cashed in to the tune of $30,000 while playing blackjack at Wynn Las Vegas.
Hilton Tweeted about the big win, writing” “#BirthdayGirlsLuck. I love gambling.”
I’d say this shit is rigged but I know that isn’t the case. This is just how life is.
People that are foul, vacant, vapid creatures get to coast through life with a free ride and get everything handed to them. Meanwhile, people like you and I work our fucking asses off using every ounce of talent and energy we have yet get nowhere and will work until we die because we have no money to retire while this bitch lives an entire lifetime that is bascically a vacation.
Fuck you, Paris.
Whitney Houston. Man.
I’ve done a lot of thinking about this Whitney Houston thing and the only reason I’m posting anything about it is that I feel like I have a bit of a different insight than some of the other things I have read so far.
Where to begin?
I almost cried when I found out not because she was dead, but because her and her voice were able on many occasions to bring me to tears. Her voice was THAT good. It’s one thing to have music touch you, which in and of itself is a very special thing, but it’s another when someone is so gifted naturally that their voice can literally bring you to tears.
There’s a lot of speculation so far and not many things are confirmed, but the story thus far seems to be that Whitney did not, as many people (even myself thought) overdose on some strange mix of drugs, but had taken too much Xanax (which she routinely took to curb anxiety before performances – she was slated to perform at Clive Davis’ Grammy party) while in the bath and simply fell asleep and slipped under the water.
It’s this situation that I find more tragic than anything else that could have happened to her and here’s why.
We live in a world where addicts are no longer treated for their problems. And when I say problems, I don’t mean the drugs. I mean the problems which LEAD to the drugs. Things like depression, eating disorders, anxiety, etc etc.
The solution for doctors these days, specifcally American doctors, is to prescribe drug addicts legal drugs.
Maybe this isn;t really how she died. Maybe other things are gonna come out and those of you reading this will tell me how full of shit I was.
That’s fine, but I’ll leave you with this:
Drug addicts have issues. Emotional issues, mental issues and they are issues that need to be solved with therapy, not by being surrounded by yes men, and managers and people pushing them on to stage and having to be put in situations where they have a level of fame that even most people that are famous probably can’t even comprehend.
This whole thing, for me anyways, has really just solidified my long standing thoughts that the most talented people in the world really are the most fucked up. I don’t think any REAL talent comes without emotion and anger and rejection and hardship and fear and happiness and ugliness and beauty all at the same time.
I knew the crack had ruined her voice. It would never be what it was, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be able to still sing. Somehow, I just always thought she would get it together and I’m really fucking sad she didn’t and that’s all I have to say about that.
Grammy’s Recap, As It Happened
I don’t know what the fuck to write in terms for an intro for this, Im so exhausted with the whole thing at theis point, but here’s how the Grammys went down through my eyes.
-Bruce Springsteen opening was a nice touch and it’s nice to know that amid all the bullshit of today’s entertainment industry they let still make room for real musicians at this cause honestly, sometimes I wonder if they even care about real musicians anymore. Bubble gum, manufactured pop stars take note: Those are REAL musicians.
-WTF IS LADY GAGA WEARING OVER HER FACE. that;s not an elegant bird cage is a piece of rusty fence she found in the meat packing district of NYC
-LL Cool J Just came on stage and I started screaming. You could see he had tears in his eyes and it was touching. I wasn’t to into the bit with the prayer and the lord, but ultimately it’s forgivable given it’s positive intention.
-That Whitney Houston Grammys clip made ma teary.
-Adele is looking smoking hot. Really fantastic. LLs little shout out to her was SO adorable.
-Am I the only person on earth that thinks Bruno Mars is an annoying midget? That’s how it feels most of the time. His stage set up was really nice tho and I gotta hand it to him with the “Get off your rich asses and have some fun” comment. As much as hate his music, he really is a great performer. Even an asshole like me can’t deny that.
-Bonnie Raite? Where the fuck as she been? She’s seen better days but her voice is still fantastic. Anywhoo, the Etta James tribute was beautiful and I was really surprised with how well their voices work together.
-Ughhh those cut shots ot Lady Gaga
-WHY THE FUCK DIDNT KATY PERRY GET HER HAIR COLORED BEFORE THE SHOW? You’re rich, bitch! Jesus.
-Adele kicked lady Gaga and evertone else in the face with the first win of the night! Yes!
-Glad to see the awards shows are still supporting women beater Chris Brown and the auto tune and lip syncing that go along with him.
-Holy shit we are only a half an hour in, it feels like this shit had been going on forever. Why the fuck didn’t I buy a bottle of vodka for this?
-Fergie’s dress? Oooof.
-Best Hip Hop? Yawn
-Reba Macintyre is still a fucking babe, I don’t care what anyone says.
-God I wish Kelly Clarkson would disappear
-Jack Black is fucking amazing end of story. Why the fuck don’t we have more of Jack Black in everything?
-Foo Fighters played at an outdoor stage area in front of a real crowd, probably because they are amazing and told the Grammy people that playing in front of a crowd of stuffy assholes sitting in their seats is fucking stupid and they weren’t down. I don’t even think I like to Foo Fighters music so much as I like the Foo Fighters themselves.
-I really wish I could get on board with Rhianna’s music cause I pretty much love every single thing about her except that.
-Ughhhhhhh Why the fuck won’t Coldplay GO AWAY? Wanna know how exciting this performace was? I started googling plastic surgery before and after pictures about 1/4 of the way through. and muted that shit.
-FOO FIGHTERS SHUT COLD PLAY THE FUCK DOWN and Dave Grohl’s speech pretty much shut all the no talent ass clowns of the present day music industry down.
-The Beach Boys all look like they are about to be carted off in an ambulence any minute now.
-HOLY FUCK these cut shots to Lady Gaga, bitch looks SOOOOO strung out. Damn.
-Okay Stevie Wonder just made everything wrong with this awards show right. Bustin the Harmonica! What!!
-Okay, nothing but love for Paul McCartney, but not his best performance. Just saying.
-Celebration of woman beating for Chris Brown. Good for him!
-I don’t know who these country folk are opening for Tayllor Swift but I already like them better than Taylor Swift. Seriously I’m surprised this bitch isn’t up there strumming on one of those wash board things. She’s very pretty and she can sing well, but fuck this bitch annoys the hell out of me.
-ADELE WINS AGAIN!!! YESSSSSSSS
-Katy Perry. Yawn. Like the way they made us thing she was getting fucked up but it was just a part of the show. Very clever Grammy producers. Double yawn. And once again, WHY THE FUCK DID SHE NOT GET HER HAIR RE-COLORED BEFORE THE SHOW? She looks like a fucking squeegee kid.
-Oh here’s fucking GOOP announcing Adele, because Adele is British and GOOP thinks she is British so I guess that shit is fitting.
-God her voice is amazing tho. Adele, not GOOP. And the crowd goes wild. What a great first performance back!
This is the part where I stopped watching. I decided it can only go downhill from here and I’m not drunk and can’t take much more of this. fuck this shit man. If anything interesting happened, tell me about that shit in the comments.
My favorite part was when I CHANGED THE CHANNEL!
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