In case you hadn’t heard, annual winner of the “She’s Still Alive?” award Tila Tequila forced her way back into the public consciousness by posting some pretty much insane Facebook statuses sympathizing with Hitler and saying Paul Walker’s death was a ritual murder. Let that simmer.
I get it, Ms. Tequila felt she was falling out of “fame” and threw a hail marry pass down the field. Nothing gets every gossip blogger aroused like a young (?) c-lister publicly losing their shit. That’s not what I’m mad about. My haterade of the day is “lazy publicist” flavor.
What was that meeting like? “Hey we need to make waves from Tila’s social pages. Got any ideas?” “Neo-nazi meltdown?” “Sold.”
Most of the publicists I know were communications majors just so they could go to class still drunk. The talent pool is about 2″ deep in that field. This was clearly the work of a GREAT publicist underperforming like Wahlberg in The Happening. Never forget.
I’m no professional, but I can think of like, FIVE better PR stunts than the Neo-Nazi Card. So without further ado, here’s my 5 PR Stunt Suggestions for Tila Tequila:
1. Become a DJ
You know who is WAY MORE opinionated than your average HuffPo columnist? ANYONE THAT WRITES FOR AN ELECTRONIC BLOG. No joke, these guys are hardcore about their culture. Ask David Guetta. If Tila pulled a Paris Hilton and announced herself as a DJ, people would absolutely lose their shit. Post one video of her trainwreck of a set and it’s a done deal. Paris couldn’t even make it through one song without messing up, and she had a sold out weekly party in Ibiza. We call that additional revenue streams. I know Tila’s business manager would agree.
2. Beat Up Someone on Worldstar
I’ve got one word for you: Sharkeisha. That fight was quicker than a Mayweather event and I promise you more people have talked about that. Film Tila Smacking the shit out of a Real Housewife of Kansas City and have Terio shout “WORLDSTAR!” I’ll take my Oscar.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
4. Co-Brand a Worthless Product with Snoop Dogg/Lion/Platypus/Narwhal
Uncle Snoop has been killing it in the awful co-sign game. Seriously. Think of any dumb idea ever, I’ll wait. Got it? Calvin Broadus will back it. Have Tila come up with some stupid product aimed at the vapid masses. Bonus points if it’s Tequila because OBVIOUSLY. Drop that commercial like it’s hot and you’ll have dudes screaming for a free bottle on Instagram.
5. LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE BEING A NAZI
I can’t believe that’s a sentence I had to type. If there is one group that NO ONE will sympathize with, it’s Nazis. No one watched Schindler’s List and thought “well, we’re not seeing his side of the story”. Moreover, I’m like 83% positive that straight up actual Nazis would have rejected her due to the fact that she’s a non-white, retarded Gypsy. Next time, let that brainstorming meeting run a little longer. Maybe open a bottle of Tila’s Tequila-flavored Malt Beverage.