10. Jessica Hart:
The model that told Taylor Swift she wasn’t good enough for the 2013 Victoria Secret fashion show may have an enviable physique, however that’s seemingly all she has going for her considering she’s sort of a butter face and has an ugly personality. The kind of Australian girl who either makes public statements about America’s Royalty because being anti Taylor Swift makes you anti-American, because she likes the publicity or because she’s dating and probably going to marry Greek Billionaire Stavros, which gives all girls some level of importance, even when ultimately, they aren’t important.
9. Lily Cole:
Besides her beautiful red hair, the fact that she’s 22, and her big titties, Lily Cole may be considered supermodel material….but her face is so cartoony, even that of a girl on steroid treatment for her asthma, that I can’t understand why any brand would want to use her unless it was for some Make a Wish Foundation charity brand repositioning after being caught producing in sweat shops.
Chrissy Teigen is what I call a free model. She may or may not have had one or two paying jobs in her early 20s for Billabong or some other surf company which led to her dating John Legend. You know attaching herself to him to live the life of a housewife who sits around doing nothing all day with his money. Sure she’s booked Sports Illustrated, which she didn’t get paid for and a few fringe campaigns associated with that. But ultimately, her presence online and in the industry is directly tied into who she is married to. We have a joke in the industry called “Chrissy Teigen Day Rate”…which means bitch, you ain’t getting paid so find yourself a rich husband. Not to mention, she’s not all that hot. But her sister is.
7. Karlie Kloss:
People often go as far as to say that our next model on the list, Karlie Kloss, can be compared to supermodel vet, Elle Macpherson, in labeling her “the body.” However, to us she is nothing but a cute hair cut. She is really tall, great for Runway and Fashion, but when thrown into the world of lingerie and bikinis for some unkown reason, her skeleton type body left us wondering if we were watching a Victoria’s Secret fashion show, or Miley Cyrus trying to twerk. Sometimes cute isn’t really enough.
6. Lily Aldridge:
Another Lily on our list is Lily Aldridge. She only models for Victoria’s Secret and we can all agree has a great fit body but the backstory on this one is that she was an entitled rich kid from LA who decided instead of using Daddy’s money to be a doctor, she wanted to be a model, so a few strings were pulled, she was shipped off to New York, she booked a few commercials, and while socializing with all her other rich friends, found the casting director at Victoria’s Secret, a gig I guess her ego felt she deserved because it’s the biggest name to be modelling for at least in terms of marketing dollars put behind the girls. So now she’s made it, the Rockstars she groupies can be groomed into husbands, and her “modelling” can finally be deemed legit. I wouldn’t be surprised if this one does it for free.
5. Alyssa Miller:
Another boring Sports Illustrated model to make our list is Alyssa Miller. Over rated because she has graced the SI pages numerous times all because she was dating the SI photographer who’s dad has been running the SI Swimsuit issue since the 70s and who has more control than any junior editor in who gets in. She scammed the system.
4. Bar Refaeli:
The only thing remotely interesting about Bar Refaeli is her name. Everything we’ve needed or wanted to see from her we’ve already seen, 10 years ago. Sure, she’s an exotic beauty but the fact people still talk about her like she matters, is just a good opportunity for us to say, she doesn’t.
3. Miranda Kerr:
Miranda Kerr has been struggling since Victoria’s Secret fired her for having sex with Justin Bieber last year, and in being fired she’s been booking the most random jobs, each make her seem like she’s hanging on as hard as she can, while clearly falling off. People still are talking about her, and we suggest you just take her lead and forget she ever happened. Hot or not, there are countless other less expensive girls to use in your campaigns…so over rated today, forgotten tomorrow. That’s our prediction with this one.
2. Kate Upton:
Kate Upton looks like the dumb fat everyone hated in their high school and ranks number two because she is nothing but big tits and blond hair. Not to mention her tits everyone celebrates, the very trait that made her relevant to begin with have already lost their perkiness and in five years from she will be Anna Nicole Smith….. Her barrel tummy isn’t cute because she isn’t a Pug, And the coolest thing she’s ever done other than eat all the food Craft Services provided for the shoot, has already been done…and the world can collectively move on with their lives.
1. Cara Develigne:
This girl would be nothing without her signature brows, it’s fair to say that Cara Develigne lacks competitive edge in any other department including heavily photoshopped face shots. Her body is scrappy, and she has no marketable assets, so why is she modeling for Victoria Secret? Answer: eyebrows. That or because she’s got a lot of buzz in the fashion industry since gay dudes make all the decisions of what is relevant and I guess they liked her “hipster” look but to consider that she is one of the highest paid models in the fashion industry now blows our mind. Let alone that people call her the “it” girl on a regular basis without much concern for the fact that she’s not really that cool.
I guess all this is say that everything is a silly lie.