10. Kendall Jenner’s Ass is Still in the Negatives:

Kendall and Kim posted a selfie of themselves posing at the gym on Instagram this Friday, and it goes to show that Kim got all the ass genes in the family pool, while poor Kendall was left with none. Still trying to pop dat nonexistent-ass, however, Kendall still attempted her best Kim impression in the snap. Kim has been posting a series of ass shots on her Instagram, and this one had a striking resemblance to the one that everyone accused Kim of photoshopping earlier this last week. Kim adamantly denied these accusations and claims the shots were meant to show how dedicated she is to losing weight, and how it’s finally paying off. We’re not really buying she didn’t have some sort of help dropping all the pounds she gained while pregnant with North West, but we’ll pretend to for the sake of having her shut up.

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9. Ke$ha’s Mom Goes to Rehab With Her Daughter:

We reported earlier this week that Ke$ha had been admitted into a rehab center for an eating disorder after her musical producers continuously told her she needed to lose weight. Shortly after, her mother came forward and told People magazine, via Radar Online, that he too would be attending the same clinic. She told the magazine,

“I’m checking myself into Timberline Knolls today for post-traumatic stress disorder, at Ke$ha’s urging,”

Her mother is the one who made accusations at Dr. Luc, Ke$ha’s music producer, for making comments she believed were the cause of her daughter’s eating disorder and poor body image.

“This whole Dr. Luke thing has almost torn our family apart and taken over my life, and Ke$ha wants me to heal along with her,” Sebert said today.

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8. Pam Anderson Gets Remarried:

Unfortunately, it wasn’t to Tommy Lee. Sorry to get your hopes up. However, Pamela Anderson revealed this weekend that she has remarried actor/producer, Rick Salomon, according to Radar Online. For those of you who may have forgotten, Rick is best known for co-starring in the classic, One Night In Paris, alongside Paris Hilton. Pamela and Rick first married in 2007, but the marriage only lasted 10 weeks, which gives us some foresight as to how short this remarriage is going to last.

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7. Shia Labeouf Claims He’s Retiring Now:

If there is one person out there who goes above and beyond beating a dead horse, it’s Shia Labeouf and his efforts to redeem himself after plagiarizing and then getting caught. First, dude spends $25,000 to have an airplane write a bogus apology in the sky for him. Next thing we know, Shia is threatening to retire from acting because of the incident. His Tweets, posted at 2AM on Friday morning, read,

“In light of the recent attacks against my artistic integrity, I am retiring from all public life. My love goes out to those who have supported me. #stopcreating.”

Artistic integrity? Girl, please. The only time you even showed a glimmer of artistic integrity was in the movie Holes. And you really think we give a flying f*** about your public life? Hayell naw, that’s why we wanted you to shut the f*** up in the first place. Sit down, Shia.

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6. Lizzie McGuire Files for Divorce:

As surprised as we are that Hillary Duff filed for divorce from her gumpy retired NHL player husband, Mike Cromie, after three years of marriage, we’re not surprised. The couple has a son together, named Luca, who was born in 2012. Hillary’s mom commented to TMZ on the matter saying that, “the couple has already decided on joint custody of Luca.  Susan says she loves Mike but sees the breakup this way,

‘They’re better friends than a married couple.'”

Maybe that’s why there are so many divorces in Hollywood, people are too fixated on being “friends” rather than an actual married couple. Hillary also took to Twitter to discuss the matter,

“‘Mike and I are sitting here, we are so appreciative for all of your kindness & well wishes.’ She continued, ‘Not an easy day but we’re getting thru it together.'”

Their sitting together on the computer reading their Tweets of support after just announcing their divorce? Shake my damn head.

The last time the couple were seen together was on New Years Eve. I think this is all just a clear sign that Lizzie needs to finally elope with Gordo after all these years, it’s clear that they were meant to be and a divorce is heaven sent in terms of them reigniting their romance.

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5. Venus William’s Stollen Car Was Retrieved:

Venus William’s fell victim to grand theft auto in Los Angeles, and although it is unclear how long it had been missing, the Fiat 500 was retrieved by police this weekend, according to TMZ.

“Cops initiated a traffic stop on the vehicle early Saturday morning on the 110 freeway … and when they pulled it over in front of L.A. Live cops discovered the ride was hot. Officers matched up the car with Venus’ stolen Fiat … and swiftly took the driver into custody.”

LAPD proceeded to inform Venus that her car was ready for pick up and all seems to be well, except for the dude that stole the car in the first place, naturally.

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4. Jennifer Lopez Sued For Being a “Catfish”

Because b****es be cray, it turns out if you pretend to be a celebrity that gets people to send them nudes in the mail, people will sometimes fall for it. TMZ reports that a 53-year-old woman pretending to be Jennifer Lopez got a man named Rodrigo Ruiz to send her nude shots, along with a demo tape of his music in the mail. Although the letters sent to him in the first place were obviously fake, Rodrigo went on to sue J.Lo for $10,000 in a bizarre suit because he

“claims the letters led him to believe he had a chance at a music career– and even a romantic relationship with Lopez, but she never followed through and he eventually gave up hope. Ruiz says he was so depressed he sought out professional help.”

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3. Bobbi Kristina Marries Her Adopted Brother:

Because it’s not weird at all to marry a sibling, Bobby Kristina, Whitney Houston’s daughter, announced on Twitter this weekend that she got married to her adopted brother/lover, Nick Gordon. The picture, which spoke volumes by itself, was captioned,

“@nickgordon! #HappilyMarried. SO #Inlove,” according to X17. 

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2. David Cassidy Gets Arrested For Third DUI:

David Cassidy really wants to prove to us how depressing life is, he was arrested in Los Angeles today and booked for a DUI, after he blew a .19 and failing a field sobriety test when pulled over on the 405 freeway this Friday night. He was incarcerating for only a few hours before he was released. Although TMZ notes that because this is his third drunk driving offense, he’ll most likely be getting jail time,

“If this sounds like the same old song … it is. David was arrested last year in New York for DUI … as well as once in Florida back in 2010.”

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1. L.A. Sheriff’s Office Seeks Felony Charges on Bieber:

Even though nothing will probably come of the story we reported early this weekend about Justin Bieber egging his neighbor’s house, the L.A. detectives involved in the case are seeking felony vandalism charges. TMZ reports that in the state of California, if damages are over $400 in cases of vandalism, it is considered a federal offense. Since the house that Bieber egged was made of a venetian plaster, the damages were in the tens of thousands and it’s safe to say that Bieber might be f***ed. However, then we remember that the Los Angeles court system is a complete joke that loves to give rich brats the slip. That being said, we do love the idea of Bieber being locked in a federal prison, and/or being deported back to Canada so we no longer have to bear witness to his childish antics.

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