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We love it when stars get so incoherently schwasted that they rant about their dysfunctional relationship with their (much-hotter) ex-boyfriends while on stage with thousands of spectators during a sold out performance. So we’re really pleased to hear that Miley Cyrus not only stepped up to the plate and did exactly that during a performance at London’s G-A-Y club this week, she also told a damn DATE-RAPE joke while on stage, all while looking like Macaulay Culkin in Party Animal‘s body double.

“You know, everyone’s a little bit gay … It’s the truth. Everyone’s gay, all it takes is one cocktail. And if that doesn’t work, sprinkle something in their drink. That’s what I always do.”

She responded to both incidents this week when she Tweeted:

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For those of you who have not yet read her expletive speech, which is seemingly directed towards Liam Hemsworth, who she claims she’s completely over, but obviously isn’t. She claims it’s note intended to be hateful and “not what she meant.” But we’ll leave that judgment up to you. Here’s Top Ten Miley’s Expletive Rant:

10. The incident began before Miley was set to perform her hit Wrecking Ball at the London club, G-A-Y. When she was seemingly overcome with emotion and rekindled hatred for her ex-fiance, Liam Hemsworth.

“And every time you get in your car, you’re going to hear my f**king song on the f**king radio.”

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9. She reinstates the fact of who she’s talking about in the next sentence. Just in case Liam is faced with any confusion as she’s talking about.

“You piece of s***, that’s right.”

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8. But guess what Liam? Miley’s single now. And although she obtains 0.00% sex appeal, she is determined to make you jealous with her suggestive performances.

“And then I’m gonna take all my clothes off,”

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7. And that’s just the beginning, Liam. Miley is set to make all of your worst nightmares a reality. (Pardon us as we dry heave.)

“I’m gonna sit on a big, giant d*** — sometimes two — I’m gonna swing around,”

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6. And everyone and their mom is going to watch, Liam. The struggle IS real.

“and then I’m gonna hold the record for the most-watched music video on Vevo.”

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5. And just when we thought Miley was about to insult the size of Liam’s wiener on stage,

“So then — you know, you can tell a lot about a person — I think you can tell how big their d*** is by how much confidence they have usually,”

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4. She turned it into something totally different and kind of weirded us out even more than we already were.

“and if I was a dude I’d probably have a really big d***, ‘cause I feel really good about myself now.”

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3. She then dedicated the single to the only dude dumb enough to get engaged to a rabid chipmunk in the first place.

“So I’m gonna tell those motherf–kers that broke my heart, particularly one.”

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2. She then instructs Liam to do the following, and included a visual demonstration for his convenience.

“To suck my fat d***.”

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1. And, as we all most certainly won’t.

“To enjoy hearing this song for the rest of your life.”

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