Top Ten Cloon’s Wedding

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It seems like just yesterday that George Clooney was banging models half his age and then kicking them to the curb as soon as they brought up the word “marriage,” and then moving on to the next one faster than a hooker wearing sketchers. But Clooney’s glory days as a notorious man-whore are officially dunzo, because he tied the knot with British barrister Amal Alamuddin in Venice over the weekend. And judging by how highly publicized the “intimate” affair ended up being, we’re almost certain Kim K. is probably taking notes so she can top this s*** for her [future] fourth wedding. Because this s*** made her wedding to Yeezy look like as low-key as courthouse wedding.

Here’s Top Ten Cloon’s Wedding:

10. Amal Alamuddin was a spectacle during the entire four-day wedding extravaganza due to her designer outfits, one is seen here during her pre-wedding dinner.

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9. The couple and their guests traveled primarily by boat during their stay in Venice. This helped the paps get numerous money-shots with minimal effort. 

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8. Many famous stars were in attendance for the event. Including Bono.

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7. Cindy Crawford.

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6. Matt Damon, Anna Wintour, Josh Krasinski, and Emily Blunt were all there too. 

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5. But obviously, the guest of honor was Bill Murray.

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4. The fleet of boats traveled from the luxurious Belmond Hotel Capriani each day to numerous restaurants and parties hosted by the couple during the duration of the 4-day event. And the Cloon obviously loved the attention he was getting while on board. 

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4. Together, the couple showed fame-whores how it’s really done by pageant-waving until the final days of their wedding celebration.

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3. We mean until the very last day, in which they made their marriage legally official after spending $750 on a 10-minute civil ceremony, the couple was straight milking the attention from the paps. 

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2. We don’t know what’s gotten into this usually semi-private couple. But we’re kind of already sick of them. 

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1. That’s why we hope they tone down the fame-whore dial when they return to the states. Because this shit was far too well-documented for a marriage that will probably only last until the time Amal turns 40. (We all know Cloon doesn’t mess with broads over 39). Regardless, the best of luck to both of you, Amal and George. Here’s to your four future years together!

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