Farrah Abraham’s awful ‘Days of Our Lives’ audition. (of course, she got the part)

Above is Farrah Abraham’s audition for Days of Our Lives, which might literally be one of the worst auditions I have ever seen. First- I don’t get the phone thing. Is she reading her lines off of her iPhone, or is she supposed to be acting pre-occupied by her phone in the scene? If the phone was written in the scene, she sucks hard, because it really looks like she is reading lines off of it or just cannot tear herself aways from her phone long enough to record this audition. Second, this would make a lot more sense if she had another person reading the lines of the second character off-camera. Although, I am pretty sure that wouldn’t magically make her a better actress.

Honestly, I couldn’t even watch the whole thing because it was boring and awful. So, if you get through it all- kudos to you. Apparently, she got the part and will be playing a hooker, which is pretty fitting- but she doesn’t really deserve to get paid to ‘act’ in anything besides porn, in my opinion.

COMING SOON!

It seems the TV gods have heard my tribal dances (and by tribal dances I mean me laying in front of my television while eating food that falls over my stomach and stains my shirt) and decided to respond answering my prayers in the form of stinking rotting trash to feed the garbage disposal that has become my brain.

From http://www.radaronline.com

“We are so excited to be working with Roy Bank, a great professional in this business,” Courtney and Doug exclusively told Radaronline.com,

“We are proud that we were able to find the perfect producer for our reality show and are thrilled to be working with this prestigious production company.”

Bank was the executive producer of reality show hits like Mark Burnett Productions’ Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?

“The reason we went with Roy is because we feel that he is the man who will be able to place Courtney’s show in front of the best network for her,” Krista Stodden, Courtney’s pimp momager, told Radaronline.com.

I haven’t been this excited since Living Lohan, and like Living Lohan, I better enjoy it while I can cause there is no way this shit is gonna make it past one season.

Oh This is Good News

Because AIDS isn’t already a big enough problem worldwide already and people in western culture are convinced that they can get rid of most STDs with some Penicillin the universe decided to throw us a curve ball to fuck with a us a bit and keep us on our toes.  It seems there’s a new strain of Gonorrhea making its way around via Japan, you know, cause they ALWAYS have to do everything first.

Scientists discovered a new strain of gonorrhea-causing bacteria in Japan that is resistant to available treatments. A July 8, 2011, report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged doctors to be on the lookout for Neisseria gonorrhoeae, a bacterial strain that causes the disease and can grow and multiply, which is resistant to cephalosporin, a common treatment used for the disease that over the last decade has failed to, and to report the antibiotic-resistant cases quickly.

Look I don’t want to sound like a fucking asshole (okay I’m lying) but in this day an age fucking without a condom is like getting addicted to heroin – you know the possible consequences, you’ve seen the outcome happen to your friends but for some reason you “know” it won’t happen to you.  Well it can and it will and if you’re reading this site you’re probably an unemployed dirtbag  that smokes cigarette butts off the ground  and blows their nose on their own shirt and  I can only imagine the many diseases you’re carrying already and I’m getting really grossed out just thinking about it.

Source: http://www.ibtimes.com via http://www.geekologie.com

Another Year, Another Miss USA

I watched Miss USA last night and my original plan had been to live blog it through twitter but than I realized it would just be about 400o tweets talking about how much I hate Donald Trump and how this stupid pageant is just a 2 hour long commercial for Las Vegas and anyone who actually spent their time watching it (ie. Me) is a fucking idiot.)

The Q and A is pretty much the only thing worth watching this shitshow first and though the questions were easier than ever to avoid televised homophobia into millions of homes a la Carrie Prejean. Miss California was bigging up the use of weed for medical reason during her segment and considering Lil Jon was on the judging panel you know during deliberations he was waving his gat around with a fatty hanging out of his mouth while rapping about how she should get the title (in my dreams at least)

In the end, Alyssa Campanella aka Miss California took the crown but this pageant was boring as shit, so instead let’s revisit Miss Teen USA’s Miss South Carolina for some hilarious laughs at how SUCH AS most of these chicks are just beautiful empty vessles SUCH AS with no brain in their heads to speak of. SUCH AS. FOR OUR CHILDREN.

This is Exactly What We Needed Today

Well I’m not dead but I had some fun with my mom last night by telling her I thought I had Lyme Disease, which is basically impossible, but that still didn’t stop her from freaking the fuck out.  Jokes aside though, I think I may actually have Pneumonia which isn’t very funny. I’m gonna put off going to the doctor until tomorrow, but in the event I die in my sleep, I want you to know how much our time together has meant to me. Not really though.

Anyways…

When she isn’t busy making shitty rap songs that make me wish I had been born with no ears or getting kicked off of a television show that would basically have anyone on it so long as they were a loud mouth with bad hair, reflective sunglasses and a deep orange tan, Angelina is moving on and moving up with her career and by moving up I mean moving down because she was on that retarded (please don’t send me emails saying not to say retarded) TNA female wrestling show.

This is one of those videos where I’m gonna have to just let it speak for itself, so you’re gonna wanna head on over to TMZ.com to check that out.  I guess the whole storyline here, and I use the word story line is a way that is about as loose as Angelina’s vagina, is that she’s come back to challenge JWoww to a fight via the slut  team of TNA wrestlers called Beautiful People that JWoww fought alongside when making her appearance on TNA, the video of which is below and it pretty much a battle of the silicone implants.

And just in case you need a reason to hate the universe for blessing you with the gift of hearing, you can listen to this again:

Source: http://www.tmz.com